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08 December 2012 @ 05:00 am
that's fifty dollars for a t-shirt  
SHE LIVES, ETC. 

LJJJ. It's been a crazy couple of semesters since I was last here. Nothing's really changed, except for how I am maybe ten times more sleep deprived just, on the daily, and also now know my way around a human brain and the London tube WAY better than I did half a year ago. Other things happened, but these are the definitive points. 

Also, unshockingly.. I'm still sending out a lot of stupidly image heavy emails. For the most part, they're incomprehensible, or straight up not interesting enough to warrant posting, but a couple days back a friend of mine asked me to provide evidence that hockey players A) are not actually all incredibly boring Canadian humans and B) generally possess more teeth/charm/toothycharm than one would expect, so I wrote her a vague overview that turned out to be the most coherent thing I've written in months!

This is not actually something to celebrate, once you've seen it.

But since it feels like a good day to post something silly, here's that email anyway, copy pasted :)

Fair warning: As always, things got out of hand and also may or may not have devolved into another monologue on the terribleness of certain Blackhawks. I'm sorry, guys. 

PICSPAM AHOY


Okay. First things first. Clearing up your obviously terrible and false accusation that all hockey players are dull and/or toothless.

First of all, just because he's kind of known for it and it's kind of a joke in the hockey community, there's Henrik Lundqvist: 

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WOW. STUPID. They call him the King, both because he is a ridiculously good goalie for the NY Rangers, and because umm, his face is that way. Recently he contributed to an awesome anti-homophobia campaign for the NHL and the first youtube comment was: Also can we just acknowledge that using Henrick is a little unfair, I mean what man *doesn't* question his sexuality when looking into those eyes... I mean really.

HAHA FAIR POINT

This is Carey Price, also a goalie, therefore awesome and probably crazy: 
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He is dressed as a cowboy, because that's something that he does.

Carey has an awesome sister he sometimes tweets with. From what I've seen from tumblr, results are adorable

kayla 

SIBLINGS <3

Please note how his sister is actually way more attractive than he is, which is a theme you will see over and over again with hockey players.

Carey's also best bros with PK Subban. Sometimes they swap jerseys:
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PK also has siblings! And they play hockey too!

subbans 

Actually, all the siblings playing hockey is ALSO kind of a theme with this sport. Remind me to tell you more about the Staal collective some other time.

Gabriel Landeskog:
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Was just named Captain of the Avalanche (haha this sounds like some sort of hilarious title), won the rookie of the year award this past season, and is also YOUNGER THAN US, WHAT? Alsooo he is apparently adorable on twitter, but idk because that's not a thing that I do. 

Jordan Eberle, Canada's boyfriend, is famous for, amongst other things, being a complete baller for Canada at the World Juniors in 2010
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He and Taylor Hall: 
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also have a bromance for the ages. They're super sarcastic to each other, all the time:
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(Retweeted by Jordan Eberle). 

IT'S DELIGHTFUL

IDK, some people also find Sidney Crosby, hockey's golden boy, attractive:
crosby

I mostly think about this commercial:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjUHqYp0LeU and laugh forever.

Steven Stamkos:

steven stamkos
of the Tampa Bay Lightning broke 60 points last year, becoming only the 20th player in league history to do so. He can also jump, practically his own height, like nbd. There's video evidence of this.

Oh, and this is Tyler Seguin (with teammate Brad Marchand, left):

tsegs 

Uh, I don't know what to add because of how this picture just said everything for me. How's this: Patrick Kane went to play for Switzerland and a newspaper article, under google translate, described him by saying "away from the ice, he is not a child of sadness."

Suffice to say, this also applies to Tyler Seguin.

Lastly, the players from my favorite team, the Chicago Blackhawks: 

First, Patrick Sharp, because he's kind of known for being ~dreamy~ which is deeply hilarious, because he is basically just trolling on everyone all day everyday:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVOnXDOQ7NE <--here's a video of him pranking Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane with buddy/former Hawk Adam Burish. This is basically his entire personality in a single video.

Patrick Sharp's actually won awards like Sexiest Athlete in Chicago, and Most Beautiful Chicagoan, a fact which delights me, but probably not as much as it delights his teammates.

Patrick Kane:
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Ohhh Patrick Kane. Okay, whether or not he's actually attractive is a source of constant debate, but he does have a stupidly nice smile.

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Note all the teeth. This is extra amazing because Patrick Kane (or Kaner, as his teammates call him) keeps his mouthguard in his mouth approximately never.


1414c14b
It's kind of his trademark.

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As is Kaner being embarrassing, i.e. his regular self

Patrick Kane is a hilarious contradiction. On the one hand, he's totally ridiculous and cocky, and basically shameless. On the other, he's also surprisingly thoughtful and humble with the press, and really devoted to his family and friends. This past year, he took the rookies under his wing and helped carry his team, playing center (even though he's a natural left winger) when Captain Jonathan Toews was out with a concussion. He's also super talented: the number one draft pick in 2007, number one rookie in the NHL the same year, and scorer of the Stanley Cup Final winning goal in 2010. 

Other things he is known for: having danceoffs with his three younger sisters, crying over movies, and reading Twilight. 

LOL, KANER. YOUR LIFE, YOUR CHOICES.

Also, he is known for being best buds/rivals/soulmates with Jonathan Toews, Blackhawks Captain. 
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(Remember what I said about hugging in hockey?)

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Jonathan Toews (or Tazer) is either your favorite/least favorite hockey player, because he's the best/worst. He's currently the second youngest captain in the NHL, at 24 (Landeskog's just edged him out) and would've been the youngest inducted at the time, if not for Sidney Crosby, because generally, if you want to do something in hockey, Sidney Crosby's done it first. Amazingly, however, he is the youngest to win the gold medal, Stanley Cup and World Championships all in the same year, despite Sid existing, and also being Canadian. Congratulations, Tazer.

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Jonathan Toews is known for being "serious", hard working, chronically incapable of losing (except to Sidney Crosby, obvs), and super, super dry and sarcastic.  If Patrick Kane is known for his natural talent, Jonathan Toews is known to literally will himself to awesome, case in point, scoring his first goal on his first shot on his first shift in the NHL. Generally, if the team is down, or needs him, he's known to basically go into a zone and score through sheer force of determination. He took to being Captain the way you expect he would, which was to do this:

According to teammates Toews would address the media—a captain’s duty—but then stay in his equipment for another 20 or 30 minutes, mute, processing the game. “I’d shower, get my suit on, be ready to leave, and he’d still be there in full gear,” Burish says. “I’d say, ‘Jonathan, let it go, it’s all right.’ He’d say, ‘That’s not how a captain is supposed to play.’ I’d say, ‘You want to catch dinner, the guys are going?’ and he’d say, ‘I don’t deserve to go.’ He didn’t settle down until Christmas.” Toews learned to let go just a little and wound up scoring a lot, finishing with 34 goals and another seven in the playoffs as Chicago stormed into the Western Conference finals against Detroit.

from this super old sports illustrated article

I DON'T DESERVE TO GO. HONESTLY. HOW SO TERRIBLE, JONATHAN TOEWS. His teammates claim he's taking it less seriously now, but this year, while the Blackhawks were having the longest losing streak of the season, he also played four or five games hiding concussion symptoms because he felt he couldn't let them down, soooo maybe not.

Also, famously, his default facial expression lies anywhere between totally blank, deeply judgmental, and serial killer.

Super judgmental
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Totally blank
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Serial killer
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You might think that's just like, a result of becoming captain at such a young age, but no, he was pretty much like this since birth.

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bb!Tazer was probably equally terrifying/adorable.

Generally, he keeps his personality locked down, especially when he is doing his captainly duties.

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Giving interviews

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...sometimes giving interviews shirtless

But it comes out in force when he's around his teammates. Especially around Kaner and Sharp.
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Getting trolled by Sharpy 

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...Beautifully imitating Kaner's shuffle

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Attacking rookies 

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Getting trolled by Sharpy... again

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Though to be fair, Sharpy got Kaner, too

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Stealing Kaner's puck at practice 

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Basically, breaking out in rainbows and butterflies every damn time Kaner's name gets mentioned in an interview. (Actual question: "I know you love all your teammates equally, but are you especially looking forward to playing on the same line with Kaner again?" You cannot even make this shit up.)

This is all made extra touching by the fact that, when they first met, as rookies, Tazer was basically a hockey robot who could barely function, and responded to hugs the way you see below i.e. by staring incredulously. It is a pretty well accepted fact that his team helped teach him how to feel. And by well accepted, I mean, you can totally draw your own conclusions, but here's the evidence:
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From this

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...to this


THE END <3

Hopefully this has helped convince you that even the most seemingly boring and staid hockey players are less boring and staid when you finally get to know them!

Many of them are still Canadian, though. This is just something you learn to live with.
 
 
( 62 comments — Leave a comment )
mentally unstable . . . like a fox: hockey // sid is hot like burningwalkawayslowly on December 8th, 2012 09:45 pm (UTC)
(hiiii it's urrone from tumblr) Also I love this pic spam. And your commentary. And the "from this to this" bit with them HUGGING at the bottom. :)

But we're gonna have to talk about your Crosby disdain. :p
Daylinhoneyrue on December 8th, 2012 10:44 pm (UTC)
Hi! And thank youuuuu <3

Hahaha didn't even realize how blunt it sounded until after I reread it! I promise I do love Crosby, it only SOUNDS like I don't, sometimes?? This is actually true of most things I love lol
(no subject) - walkawayslowly on December 8th, 2012 10:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 8th, 2012 11:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - walkawayslowly on December 8th, 2012 11:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 8th, 2012 11:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - walkawayslowly on December 8th, 2012 11:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 11:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - walkawayslowly on December 10th, 2012 02:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 10th, 2012 10:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - walkawayslowly on December 10th, 2012 10:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 10th, 2012 10:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - walkawayslowly on December 10th, 2012 11:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 11th, 2012 05:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
momentary seizure of love.sometimesalways on December 8th, 2012 09:55 pm (UTC)
great post!! Although, really, i don't see how Tazer could be ANYONE'S least favorite as he's clearer the best thing ever and has such a track record for being so great on and off the ice. #favoriteEVER

Here's my ridic post highlighting how utterly dorky this dude is for anyone who didn't see :)

http://sometimesalways.dreamwidth.org/32939.html
Daylinhoneyrue on December 8th, 2012 10:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks bb! Haha truth. It's just that sometimes loving him is a strange and confusing experience, you know? Like when he's playing through concussions and things and you just want to be like, WHY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? In those moments, he is the best AND THE WORST.
(no subject) - sometimesalways on December 8th, 2012 11:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 11:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sometimesalways on December 9th, 2012 02:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 09:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
the frumious Bandersnatch!forochel on December 8th, 2012 09:57 pm (UTC)
kaner and tazer's story is so beautiful, i am filled with warm fuzzies every time someone retells it. /wipes away a tear


also: CAREY PRIIIICEEEE


(eta: you're in london! you wouldn't happen to be at the institute of neurology -- going off the comment on brains -- would you? only bc that's my 'hood so this is all immensely exciting.)

Edited at 2012-12-08 09:58 pm (UTC)
Daylinhoneyrue on December 8th, 2012 11:02 pm (UTC)
<333 That is precisely the effect I was going for!

Amen, Carey Price. He's a wonder.

!! I was in London! Well, Cambridge, specifically, but I spent most of my weekends in London while I was in England this summer/fall. And I am a neurosci major, but the university I actually go to is in Cali, sadly ;___; That is so excellent that you live in London, though! It's an amaaazing city.
the frumious Bandersnatch!forochel on December 9th, 2012 12:10 am (UTC)
with all due respect to the existing kaner/tazer primer, I feel like an updated one ought to be made, as it has been about 2 more years of glorious homosociality. this too is the part where I butter you up by saying that your posts are all very entertaining and enthusiastic and have that inimitable quality that draws people in (all truth! even if I say this with a Purpose).

the first picture I ever saw of him was the cowboy one. even my flatmates, who are all generally very unimpressed with hockey players (THEY JUST HAVEN'T SEEN THE LIGHT RE:PKANE) were like "oh, hmm".

I LOVE LAHNDAHHHHNNNNNNN. having been to Cambridge a grand total of once, I can see why you spent your weekends in London. ;P it is a pity you've left so soon, though! the Oxbridge terms are criminally short; my term hasn't ended yet. ): Cali is cool too though! I would love to visit California.
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 12:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - forochel on December 9th, 2012 08:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 09:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - forochel on December 9th, 2012 10:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 10:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - forochel on December 9th, 2012 10:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 11:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - forochel on December 9th, 2012 11:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 11:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - forochel on December 9th, 2012 11:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 10th, 2012 01:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - forochel on December 10th, 2012 03:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 10th, 2012 10:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - forochel on December 11th, 2012 10:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 18th, 2012 02:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - walkawayslowly on December 15th, 2012 03:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
take your cauldron and get down: HOCK :Dstaraflur on December 8th, 2012 10:06 pm (UTC)
CAREY PRICE HOTASS REDNECK FOR RIL

SIBLINGS MORE ATTRACTIVE

CAPTAIN OF THE AVALANCHE IS A RIDICULOUS TITLE

TYLER SEGUIN WALKING EMBARRASSMENT FACTORY

TROLLING ROOKIES

OH GOD I ACTUALLY CANNOT WITH THIS RIGHT NOW IT'S BASICALLY A PRIMER OF TRUTH AND BEAUTY
Daylinhoneyrue on December 8th, 2012 11:08 pm (UTC)
TRUTH AND BEAUTY ARE WHAT I STRIVE FOR I'M SO GLAD YOU PICKED UP ON THISSSSS

Hahahaha dude, I had no idea this thing was so LONG until I'd copied it over. It's a good thing my friend knows me well, or else I honestly might've just scared her off forever.
momentary seizure of love.sometimesalways on December 8th, 2012 10:11 pm (UTC)
also also, another good comparison thingy:

2008:



2010:

Daylinhoneyrue on December 8th, 2012 11:12 pm (UTC)
UGH THEY'RE SO GREATTTT <3
zarathusezarathuse on December 8th, 2012 10:37 pm (UTC)
lololololol yr breakdown of tazer's default expressions is THE MOST ACCURATE
Daylinhoneyrue on December 8th, 2012 11:15 pm (UTC)
THANKS MAN <3

The day I stop making fun of his resting terriface is the day I stop loving him, basically.
tiki b.: Hockey Kaner/Tazer cup hugtikiaceae on December 9th, 2012 02:14 am (UTC)
(from tumblr)

This is an awesome post filled with fantastic pics! A great way to start the day. \o/

Urgh, Kane & Toews are just so perfect for each other I might just cry. :DDD
Daylinhoneyrue on December 9th, 2012 12:37 pm (UTC)
Hiii bb! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

GOD, I KNOW. The funny thing is, I didn't even go into this picspam with the intention of talking about them AND YET SOMEHOW THEY BECAME HALF THE POST??? I live with zero control over my own emotions, obviously.
tiki b.: Hockey Kaner/Tazer handstikiaceae on December 9th, 2012 12:55 pm (UTC)
They just AMBUSHED me with ALL THE FEELS! Like one day I was perfectly fine without Kaner/Tazer feels and then the next I NEEDED THEM LIKE AAAAAAAAAIR.

THEY ARE THE WORST.
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 01:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tikiaceae on December 9th, 2012 02:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - honeyrue on December 9th, 2012 09:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
alojzia mária: Jonny smiling!asolarfever on December 9th, 2012 07:13 am (UTC)
THIS POST, OMG. Let me just roll around with it and snuggle with it. I love the end with serious!Tazer to huggy!Tazer. <33333333
Daylinhoneyrue on December 9th, 2012 12:39 pm (UTC)
YOU ARE WELCOME TO DO SO. ACTUALLY, ENCOURAGED TO DO SO. Haha ngl that is my favorite part toooo.
alojzia mária: Tazer and Teej are brosasolarfever on December 10th, 2012 06:21 am (UTC)
klasdjklsdkljdfglkfgj. :D

Yeah, first one he's all "O___O why are you touching me I can't feel feelings" then the second one he's like " omgomgomgomg I love youuuuu come hug me."

(no subject) - honeyrue on December 10th, 2012 10:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - asolarfever on December 11th, 2012 05:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Jonathan Toews does not want a sandwich.svmadelyn on December 9th, 2012 08:38 am (UTC)
GOOD JOB. You are excellent for the morale! EXCELLENT ALL AROUND.

I also agree with forochel - an additional primer would NOT go astray. And actually I'm going to have some stuff coming up that you could totally work that into. *coughing* We have much to discuss, whenever I'm done hiding from you 'cause I'm failing at our bet. (soon, maybe? who can say.)
Daylinhoneyrue on December 9th, 2012 01:15 pm (UTC)
::SALUTES::

Hahaha I honestly didn't know this was a desired-for thing! BUT UGH, WHATEVER YES ALRIGHT, I LIVE TO SERVE, ETC. It will have to wait until after finals end, so probably around Christmas? My gift to fandom this year! A bunch of TERRIBLE EMOTIONS.

!! I am suuuuper intrigued. AND YES YOU SHOULD STOP HIDING. Luckily, I am in the midst of actual exam insanity or else you would almost definitely have an inbox full of nothing but Tazer judgment facing you. DO YOU WANT THIS TO HAPPEN? DO YOU???
Ellen: hockey - 88 + 19theellibu on December 15th, 2012 07:23 am (UTC)
My flatmate randomly found this post while we're on holiday (and feel a bit disconnected from big parts of the internet/hockey fandom since our hotel blocks both Tumblr and AO3, sigh), and can I just say how happy it made me? Because it did. Ugh, hockey players ruin lives, seriously.
Daylinhoneyrue on December 18th, 2012 03:04 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry I'm only reading this just now (the banes of finals, etc.) but I'm glad you and your flatmate enjoyed it! AND GOD, THEY DO. I SEE YOU ARE WELL-VERSED IN THE WAYS OF THE HOCKEY PLAYERS.


Angel Dust: Duncsglammetalkitten on March 18th, 2013 09:14 pm (UTC)
(Here by way of svmadelyn's LJ) Hi!

This post is a thing of beauty - I might actually refer my flatmate to it as part of my on-going campaign to get her into hockey. Mostly so I have someone to drag down the pub with me to watch it :)
candy_bellecandy_belle on March 6th, 2014 07:55 am (UTC)
such a fabulous post - thank you :D
( 62 comments — Leave a comment )